Fifteen Days Later

I found a childhood portrait of AC (my husband), painted in 1961 by his uncle, William Moise, in a closet as I was cleaning. I probably need to get is looked at. There are spots and tears in the paper on the back.

I tried to drive to Cobb county for the East Cobb Quilter's Guild show yesterday, but sadly didn't get very far before I was overwhelmed. I got off the highway and drove to Planned Pethood. I'd gotten an e-mail from them saying they needed people to come pet, and perhaps foster, some kittens. Kittens would surely cheer me up; they cheer everyone up, so I thought I'd foster a litter. 
They were closed, so I sat in the parking lot and sobbed to Mom. She said "go home and clean your sewing room." I got my quilt book shelf cleaned up, but the sewing room might be too much for me right now.
A few days ago, I found a beautiful bowl for $3 at Marshalls. It makes a great place to store my glasses next to the chair in my reading corner. This was formerly where he and I sat to watch TV. My Jasper secretary replaced his leather recliner when we cleaned up. It was too much to have it empty beside me. I also have not watched much TV.
Yes, Mom, that is my new lamp, and it still has the cellophane on the shade.
The bed has new linens.
I don't remember being alone. 
You get used to it.
Other women tell me.
It must be so.


Katie Paxton said…
Praying for comfort for you.
I like the new lamp.
Pretty violets is the first picture.
Yes have his childhood picture restored.
Try to kitten place again, it has to be wonderful and soothing for you at this time.
Love Aunt Katie
I can't even imagine how hard it must be. Truthfully, I don't want to imagine. You are doing well, though. You are doing what you can and in small doses. Right now you're learning to balance again on the bicycle of life, so slow and steady is definitely the way to go. I'm praying for you.
Monica said…
I'm glad you posted today. I've been thinking about you a lot lately and wondering how you are doing.
Susan said…
One step and then your own pace.

June said…
Be very careful changing things around too soon, as you may regret it later. I lost that first year after my husband passed, I think I did several stupid things in that year that cannot be undone. Take your time. Things will get better...but it takes awhile. Praying for you and your family.
Linda said…
So glad to see an update from you. Small steps are good. Overwhelmed is normal. Alone is hard. Lean on your'll both be grateful for it. I hope it gets easier.
WoolenSails said…
It is good that you are getting out when you can and each day it will get a little easier and the painful memories will become happy ones. Love your new lamp and bed set, they look beautiful together and has a sense of peace about the colors.

O'Quilts said…
The year of magical as we know it changes in an instant. Carry on..that is all we can do..hugs from Charlotte, NC
Karmen, my heart aches for you...I cannot imagine how lost you must feel. Surround yourself with friends and family who love and care for you, and take it one day at a time. Big hug!
Nancy in MT said…
I'm glad to read your post and have been thinking of you every day. After Jim died, I didn't watch TV or sew for over six months, and then I just did. A grief counselor can help. The memories will be bitter sweet for a long time, this I know, but you will find your way.
Take care, n
Anonymous said…
A wise woman (you) once said "I find staying home for long periods can make sadness worse. Of course the changes you are going through would derail anyone" I can't imagine what you are going through loosing your husband but it is good to see you blog and to read that you are trying to get out and about and find a small piece of happiness if even for a moment.
Cathy said…
I'm sending the biggest hugs to you. I can't imagine your loss. But it has to get better, right? Take comfort in your children and in friends. And also in your pets and hobbies! Keep us posted on how you're doing.
joanne said…
holding you close to my heart and praying for sweet memories to comfort you.
Kris said…
Oh how I wish there were something I could do. But know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!
annie said…
hugging you, God bless and comfort you in the deepest recesses of your heart, and give you peace.
Libby said…
Karmen, you are doing everything exactly right. Take deep breaths. Most importantly know that there are many, many folks out here keeping you in there thoughts. Remember, we are all but a keyboard away should you need us. HUGS!!!!!
Brenda said…
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
lettielulu said…
Thinking of you this morning. Hoping that each day gets easier for you.
Sherrill said…
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am just a little farther along in my journey as my dear sweet left me last Aug. at the age of 66 (I was 58). I continue to have big time issues and sometimes sink into a funk (depression). I wish you well in this lonely walk.
Earl Stevens said…
Crit was my old friend, served in VietNam with him , stayed in his home, and in the hospital with him. He is my brother-in-arms in eternity now.
Earl Stevens said…
Crit was my old friend, served in VietNam with him , stayed in his home, and in the hospital with him. He is my brother-in-arms in eternity now. earl Craig Stevens, Americal Div. 11th. brigade, 21st Bn. Was looking for him tonight and found the obit. A noble man and soldier. god bless you.